My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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