This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize