I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Congratulations! We have a period
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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