my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
