Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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