Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
