This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
