How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
