i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
