i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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