Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
