I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
