she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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