It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
