I'm lost and stupid without you.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
