i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize