Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We just shotgunned beers for America
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Randomize
