some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
