i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
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So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
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I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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