so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
