i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
