Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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