Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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