just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
