i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
