just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I am mentally ready for anal.
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