My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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