Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
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I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
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I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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