Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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