I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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