some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
