does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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