id be glad to
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
