i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
