i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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