woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
