He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
