I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
