This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
