cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Randomize
