so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The beer is more important than you right now.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
