On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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