You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
