I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
only if we run a train.
done.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
