Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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