i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just gift wrapped bread.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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