His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
