how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
