Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
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