Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
