I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Sorry about my life...
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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