i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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