Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
