also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
