So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
