We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
