Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
