I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
