Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
