You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
