dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
