Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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