I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
