I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I wish you could order shots online.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
