do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
