Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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