And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
